Saylor Twift – Oversized Weekender Tote

Forget yachts, this is how you actually sail into the weekend. Our Saylor Twift Weekender Tote doesn’t sing breakup ballads, it just breaks up your old plastic grocery bags and replaces them with something actually useful. Sturdy, oversized, and armed with rope handles thick enough to tie down a dinghy, this tote carries everything from beach towels to your entire existential crisis.

Saylor herself is printed in full parody glory — sailor cap, stripes, and microphone hook — because nothing says “I’m unsinkable” like belting out your hooks while fishing for vibes.

Specs (because we pretend to be serious for a second):

• 100% Spun Polyester Exterior (translation: fancy fabric that doesn’t cry when you spill sunscreen on it)

• Size: 24" x 13" (roomy enough for your regrets + 2 bottles of prosecco)

• Cream sheeting interior lining (50% cotton, 50% polyester)

• T-bottom design for stability (no floppy bag syndrome)

• Assembled in the USA from globally sourced parts (read: the bag’s been around the world more than you)

• Size tolerance: 0.75" (because perfection is for spreadsheets, not totes)

⚓ Bottom line: It’s Saylor Twift. She’ll carry your baggage better than most of your exes.